The Decline of Eastern Civilization
2256 Kingston Rd.
Opened in 1964, Chick-N-Burger was originally an east-end drive-in known for great food and fun. Old-time Scarberians tell me the place was especially joyous during the 1960’s muscle car era.
That was when exuberant teens and young men would sip Cokes, eat burgers, and pose with their chariots to the sounds of The British Invasion. It was kind of like how I picture the Happy Days show if it were set in mid-century Scarborough.
But, like Fonzie and the gang, the joint jumped the shark.
By the time the current owner took over in 2010, Scarborough and Chick-N-Burger had seen 40 years of a manufacturing exodus, growing welfare dependence, widespread familial breakdown, ever-increasing drug use, and, worst of all, their chicken rotisserie broke and was never fixed.
Despite the carnage, management keeps the place circling the bowl. Plus, some of those exuberant teens from the ‘60s salad days still visit. They ride in on meth instead of a Mustang, but they’re alive and twitching and always ready with a chemically-treated cautionary tale.
In the summer months, you can grab a drink on the patio. It gets unobstructed sunshine. And the regulars must really like to tan because they drink on that patio without moving from dawn ‘til dusk.
So, go ahead and visit this rusty hood ornament on any day that ends in ‘y.’
Jacksoul Poster: No
Price: Reasonable. $4.25 domestic bottles. If you like a festive atmosphere, tip the owner. It’s like plugging in a Christmas tree.
Service: Until he’s tipped, the owner has the Thousand Yard Stare. When he looked at me, I got the impression he was watching Netflix through someone’s condo window beside Rogers Centre.
Scarborough bars have a look. In southwest Scarborough, the watering holes tend to grab whatever is affordable, handy or handed to them by a beer rep. This place attempted to create a 1950s vibe by slapping up everything and anything remotely associated with that decade: license plates, old ads, and celebrity photos. To me, it looks more like a Cliff Huxtable sweater from The Cosby Show
Watch your wallet because this is a good place for a Stick Up.
All dropped drugs are immediately picked up off the floor.
TVs, jukebox, and cautionary tales.
Ever since their rotisserie broke, they only serve Costco roast chicken.
The word is out about the burgers.
So is the “L”
No Beard Balm
Hipsters hoping to out-hop each other with craft brews will be left scrambling for their colouring books and safe spaces.
Love it when I meet an Ex at a bar.
Free Romantic Sunset
Take your special someone for a cocktail on the patio. Hold each other close as you watch the blazing reds and the shimmering oranges of ambulance lights and paramedic uniforms as they tend to the guy who just passed out beside your table.
Suggested juke-box musical accompaniment:
Anything by Queen released pre-1980. Play anything after, and another one bites the dust.
The Last Call:
Dive Bar Mike recommends this bar for dystopia fans, those who need to rest their feet trying to find a path to The Bluffs, and anyone who wants the taste of Costco roasters without the annual membership.
Bar took its regulars and moved a couple of blocks over to 2256 Kingston Rd. New photos coming soon.