Chill with the Grand Pooh Bah
Royal Antediluvian Order of Buffaloes
222-224 Broadview Ave.
The Buffaloes! With Fred and Barney as members, this place is a yabba dabba dive drinker’s dream. And that, by the way, is where my Flintstones references end.
Since it’s located near where the “beer ‘n’ brawl” Dennis House Tavern once stood, you might think Buffaloes is a rough spot. Fortunately for us peace lovers, this place supplies cheap beer without the Dennis House’s literal interpretation of a Bloody Caesar.
Dennis House is a peaceful bridal shop today. But all bets are off if a “bridezilla” walks in.
So, don’t be intimidated by the fortress-like frontage. Step head held high into this former church and graze with the friendly Buffaloes. Just make sure you’re not a communist and don’t talk politics or religion. And leave your Three-card Monte set at home—no gambling allowed.
The Nitty-Gritty:
Jacksoul Poster: No
Price: Cheap: $3.75 domestic bottled beer
Service: Patriotic. Quick and friendly.
Décor:
Sacred Patriotica
A unique design found only in Toronto. Well, actually, it’s found only in The Buffaloes clubroom.
This former church is bright and airy despite having no windows. The false ceiling hides the arching roof and makes you think there’s something up there. But isn’t that what churches are supposed to do?
Washroom facilities:
The City of Toronto’s toilet by-law is clearly posted to remind users of their responsibility.
Out of camera view is the Buffaloes own toilet by-law, which reads, “If you’re going to spew, lift the pew.”
Cleanliness:
Aristocratically clean: The Queen would be proud to play Drunk Jenga with Her loyal subjects.
Games/Amusements:
Darts, TVs, and reading the washroom’s knee slappers.
Value-adds:
No cover charge or membership needed to drink:
Just buy a beer and start chatting with the friendly regulars. You’ll walk out feeling like you’ve always been there. Kind of like how Jack Torrance felt about The Overlook Hotel in The Shining.
Seamless drinking:
They open at 11am and close at 4pm. Perfectly timed because 4pm is when the Army, Navy & Air Force Club opens just down the street.
Battle-hardened veteran stories:
Talk to those who survived the nightly combat at the nearby Dennis House Tavern.
Traumatic Childhood Canadiana:
Check out the vintage Hostess Potato Chips rack! Brought tears to my eyes as I recalled in grade 4 having my chips stolen by the big kids outside Sam’s Smoke Shop on Yonge St.
Suggested musical accompaniment:
“Monster Shindig” by The Gruesomes
The Last Call:
Dive Bar Mike recommends this bar for Hanna-Barbera fans, dart players, cheap beer fans, tough tavern history lovers, and those who want to attend a church that allows beer drinking.